我在美白的日子

謝絕探訪

因為怕光

便不能應付朋友閃亮的鏡片

那同情和諒解

自以為灼熱

其實最會殺死正在更生的細胞
最近由於戀愛

所以患上了黑斑過敏症

那是一種會隨年月

而衰老的情愛

而且深入皮膚的內層

任算天然海底植物提煉的磨砂

也磨不掉的

一生的印記
聽說SKII有剝殼雞蛋的面膜

可以二十四小時再生暗啞的傷口

祇要循環使用二十八天

一心一意的信任和等候

你總會帶著在外面因遊蕩

而老去的容顏回來

可是我天生對雞蛋敏感

而且無法釋懷雞與蛋先後的次序

終於也搞不清楚應該

跟你相戀然後分手還是

先分手才再相戀

於是最後決定這兩個護膚程序

同一時間進行
當然

我並不想真的

把你看成無藥可救的黑頭或粉刺

因為深層的潔淨和漂白

會帶來切膚之痛

但在不能換臉的情勢下

祇好戒掉對你的念念不忘
我在美白的日子

長高了一英寸 長胖了兩公斤

不再失眠、厭食和怠倦

皮膚懂得飲水

思源 明白愛慕自己

可以去除皺紋和暗瘡

讓陽光帶來小鳥的歌唱
translation

On skin-whitening days

I politely refuse to go out

because I’m afraid of the light

and can’t handle my friends’ glittering lenses

their sympathy and understanding

seems scorching

when what actually kills is in the midst of multiplying cells
Because of love I’ve recently

developed allergic dark spots
 
it’s a kind of passion

that ages over time

and embeds deep in the skin

a bit of sand polished by seafloor flora

can’t rub away

a lifetime of lines
I’ve heard SK-II makes a facial mask from peeled eggs
 
and in twenty-four hours it can heal mute dark wounds

it needs to cycle for twenty-eight days

and with wholehearted trust and patience

you can rejuvenate a face

grown old from its travels

but I was born with a sensitivity to eggs

and I can’t forget the question of the chicken and egg

and finally I’m not sure if I should

love you first and then break up or

first break up and then love you again

so finally I decide that both of these skin-protective sequences
should be carried out simultaneously
Of course

I don’t really want

to see you as incurable blackheads or acne 

since deep cleaning and bleaching

will bring skin-rending pain

but since I can’t change my face

I can only give up thinking about you
On skin-whitening days

I grow an inch I gain two kilos

with no more insomnia or lack of appetite or listlessness 

the skin knows

its origins it knows how to love itself

it can dislodge wrinkles and dark veins

and let the sun usher in birdsong

洛楓 (Lok Fung) is our Poet in Resident for June. These poems are from the book 自我紙盒藏屍的日子 (Days When I Hide My Corpse
In A Cardboard Box), Zephyr Press, 2018, translated from the Chinese by Eleanor Goodman


Previously: 即溶愛情咖啡 (Instant Love and Coffee), 愛上虛擬情人 (In Love with a Virtual Lover), and 給電腦的情書 (Love Letter to a Computer)