Every Friday, Cienna Madrid offers solutions to life’s most vexing literary problems. Do you need a book recommendation to send your worst cousin on her birthday? Is it okay to read erotica on public transit? Cienna can help. Send your questions to advice@seattlereviewofbooks.com.

Cienna,

How would you feel about foot binding for men for a few decades until we equal out the gender disparity? At least they couldn't run very far when we #metoo them.

Just a little pissed still, Ballard

Dear JALPS,

If you start binding men's feet today, tomorrow stumps will be the latest fashion and the day after that they'll be marketed to women as a "great way to lose 7lbs fast!". What I'm saying is, it's difficult to collectively punish a "dominant" strata of people, as they are in the best position to change the rules by which our society operates.

Instead, resolve in this great new year of 2019 to treat deserving men how other vulnerable groups are treated on a daily basis so that they may experience, in some small way, life from another perspective. For instance, I like to train them as I would a house pet (no eye contact while I'm eating), love them as I would a foster child (sparingly), and when I feel the relationship has run its course, dump them as I would a gay (by throwing glitter – either the metal stuff or the 2001 classic musical drama starring Mariah Carey – onto a busy highway. I call it euthengaysia and I assume it is a very peaceful way to go).

Kisses,

Cienna