我在美白的日子 (On Skin-Whitening Days)

我在美白的日子
謝絕探訪
因為怕光
便不能應付朋友閃亮的鏡片
那同情和諒解
自以為灼熱
其實最會殺死正在更生的細胞

最近由於戀愛
所以患上了黑斑過敏症
那是一種會隨年月
而衰老的情愛
而且深入皮膚的內層
任算天然海底植物提煉的磨砂
也磨不掉的
一生的印記

聽說SKII有剝殼雞蛋的面膜
可以二十四小時再生暗啞的傷口
祇要循環使用二十八天
一心一意的信任和等候
你總會帶著在外面因遊蕩
而老去的容顏回來
可是我天生對雞蛋敏感
而且無法釋懷雞與蛋先後的次序
終於也搞不清楚應該
跟你相戀然後分手還是
先分手才再相戀
於是最後決定這兩個護膚程序
同一時間進行

當然
我並不想真的
把你看成無藥可救的黑頭或粉刺
因為深層的潔淨和漂白
會帶來切膚之痛
但在不能換臉的情勢下
祇好戒掉對你的念念不忘

我在美白的日子
長高了一英寸 長胖了兩公斤
不再失眠、厭食和怠倦
皮膚懂得飲水
思源 明白愛慕自己
可以去除皺紋和暗瘡
讓陽光帶來小鳥的歌唱

translation

On skin-whitening days
I politely refuse to go out
because I’m afraid of the light
and can’t handle my friends’ glittering lenses
their sympathy and understanding
seems scorching
when what actually kills is in the midst of multiplying cells

Because of love I’ve recently
developed allergic dark spots
it’s a kind of passion
that ages over time
and embeds deep in the skin
a bit of sand polished by seafloor flora
can’t rub away
a lifetime of lines

I’ve heard SK-II makes a facial mask from peeled eggs
and in twenty-four hours it can heal mute dark wounds
it needs to cycle for twenty-eight days
and with wholehearted trust and patience
you can rejuvenate a face
grown old from its travels
but I was born with a sensitivity to eggs
and I can’t forget the question of the chicken and egg
and finally I’m not sure if I should
love you first and then break up or
first break up and then love you again
so finally I decide that both of these skin-protective sequences
should be carried out simultaneously

Of course
I don’t really want
to see you as incurable blackheads or acne
since deep cleaning and bleaching
will bring skin-rending pain
but since I can’t change my face
I can only give up thinking about you

On skin-whitening days
I grow an inch I gain two kilos
with no more insomnia or lack of appetite or listlessness
the skin knows
its origins it knows how to love itself
it can dislodge wrinkles and dark veins
and let the sun usher in birdsong