Milton Fife

If Milton Fife lived off generic brands
He was like any other guy from here
Wherever here might be, but his commands
Were closer to Jovita and the near
Stretch of the Stuck than the Puyallup sands
Or far from where the headwaters appear
To run as white in name as through the lands
They carved in lava gullies from Rainier.

Evacuation warnings decorate
The valley like a joke exaggerates
Unlikelihood as if it is a fate
Determined in advance to celebrate
A Revelations style of rendezvous
Of inundations wet yet barbecued.

Although an atheist by preference
Fife had a hankering for Biblical
Disasters on a scale of pestilence
To plague a land in metaphysical
Conundrums to inspire reverence
In fools who thrilled a guy so cynical
As one who would exploit a deference
Just like the Pope in ecumenical

Pronouncements of the certainty of doom.
Not to exclude the lunatics of gloom
Those fundamentalists who would assume
The rapture will release their souls to bloom
When Armaggedon gives the heaven-sent
A tenement up on the firmament.